Online dating can be a minefield of etiquette and unwritten rules, and nowhere is this more apparent than when composing that crucial first message. Having been in this game for 22 years, starting at the age of 18, I’ve had my fair share of trials and errors before finding what works best for me. Today, I’m going to share some of the insights I’ve gleaned over the years to help you craft an engaging first message that will set you apart from the crowd.
First, let me make one thing clear: there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to this. What works for me might not necessarily work for you. We all have unique personalities and communication styles, so it’s essential to find a method that feels natural and authentic to you. However, there are some general guidelines that can greatly improve your chances of getting a response.
One effective technique I often employ is using her name in my message. This instantly makes the message feel more personalized and shows that I’m genuinely interested in getting to know her as an individual, not just another face in the crowd.
Another strategy I’ve found to be quite successful is a comment followed by a question. A question not only shows interest in her but also requires a response, thereby increasing the likelihood of getting a reply. A simple, “I noticed you love hiking. What’s the most challenging trail you’ve tackled?” can go a long way in sparking a conversation.
Humor is also a powerful tool in your dating arsenal. A funny or witty message can not only make her smile, but it also helps you stand out from the numerous “Hey, how are you?” messages she’s likely receiving.
Let’s not forget about poetry. A simple 4-8 line poem that references something in her bio or photos can be an unexpected and delightful way to catch her attention. The more creative and unique, the better.
Now, a common question I get asked is, “How long should I wait for a reply?” In my experience, patience is key. Not everyone checks their dating apps every day, especially on weekends when they might be out of town. So, if she doesn’t respond immediately, give it a few days. However, if she hasn’t replied after 3-4 days, it might be time to try a different approach. Maybe your compliment didn’t hit the mark, so switch tactics and ask a question instead.
Speaking of questions, one particularly effective tactic is to ask about something you noticed in her photos. This could be a comment on an event she attended, a pet, her attire, or an interesting background object.
Now, let’s be honest, about 80% of my conversation starters fall into these categories. Complimenting her smile or her eyes is a great opener that never goes out of style. Avoid complimenting her material possessions, like her house or car. Trust me, it’s dull and will hardly make you stand out.
Standing out is key. Most women receive messages from nearly all of their matches, meaning they’re probably swamped with texts. Your message needs to shine like a beacon among these.
Remember, you’re not alone in this. I’ve been there. It took me 3-4 years to find a formula that works for me. The online dating landscape can feel like a labyrinth at times, but with patience and creativity, you can craft engaging first messages that will catch her attention. Here’s to more meaningful conversations and potential connections!